National Depression Awareness Month – Day 2

[Day 1]

It took a lot of guts to call Military One Source (in 2008) and schedule my first appointment with a counselor. The stigma of needing help almost kept me from it. But I called, and I went to my first appointment…

It was awful. The counselor spent most of the time asking me irrelevant questions about the Army or my husband. She seemed overwhelmed by my problems and that didn’t inspire confidence. At the end of the session, she told me to read a certain book before coming to my next appointment.

I bought the book. I read it quickly. I hated it. I don’t remember the title or author or why I disliked it so much. I think I disagreed with the theology or the flippant use of scripture. Joel said that seminary had turned me into a pop Christian book snob. Maybe so.

The whole experience just left me feeling even more hopeless.

A few weeks later, Military One Source called to ask how the appointment went. I told them I didn’t like it and wasn’t going back. The compassionate woman on the phone explained that if it was a bad match they would send me to someone else. I let her make another appointment.

The next session was with a psychologist. She was professional, intelligent and understood the importance of my faith, ministry etc. It was a good fit.

After talking for an hour, she diagnosed me with Dysthymic Disorder: Persistent Mild Depression. I had never heard of Dysthymia. Being an obsessive researcher, I went straight home and right to Google. As soon as I read about it, I realized that was probably the easiest diagnosis she had made in a long time.

“According to the DSM’s definition of dysthymia, it is a serious state of chronic depression, which persists for at least 2 years; it is less acute and severe than major depressive disorder.[3] As dysthymia is a chronic disorder, sufferers may experience symptoms for many years before it is diagnosed, if diagnosis occurs at all. As a result, they may believe that depression is a part of their character, so they may not even discuss their symptoms with doctors, family members, or friends.” – Wikipedia

That last sentence made a lot of sense. I had been depressed for so long, (since childhood) it just seemed like part of my personality… Wow! That is depressing…

(Blogging with my clumsy iThumbs.)

National Depression Awareness Month – Day 1

October is National Depression Awareness Month.

I’ve dealt with depression for most of my life. I used to be embarrassed to admit it. It seemed like weakness or a lack of faith. After all, the Bible said, “be joyful always.” I couldn’t even muster “joyful sometimes.” How could I be hopeless when I served the “God of all hope?” I felt guilty for being depressed… That doesn’t actually help.

In the fall of 2008, it got so bad, I decided that getting help was more important than appearing strong. I worried that it would ruin my career, but then again so would wanting to die all of the time. Just making a counseling appointment seemed so daunting. Everything is too hard when you’re depressed. Because of the insistence of my best friend, I finally managed to call Military One Source and make an appointment…

(I plan on writing a few posts about depression. This is the first partial installment. It’s not the polished writing I used to put out… Just me tapping on my iPhone to what’s left of my loyal readership after all of these years of neglect.)